Once again I found myself having trouble getting back into the writing groove. So I sat down and did something about it using a combination of two techniques.
The first is AI. AI stands for Active Imagination. I learned about AI from Bobbi, who learned it when she was in her myth program at Pacifica. You imagine that you’re having a conversation with one or more people, write out the dialog, and use the process to explore and clarify your ideas and feelings. (My transcription of the exercise is here)
The second is the process given in Jay Earley’s book, “Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy.“ Whew!!
Internal Family Systems operates on the theory that we are less like unitary beings and more like a group of individuals—a family. Individual “parts” have their own viewpoints, values, strengths and weaknesses. The whole group interoperates as a system. Hence the name. I had been doing IFS work for a while and got Earley’s book. I read it, and…ignored it. Now, I decided to reread it and apply it.
Earley recommends that you consider what he calls a ”trailhead” experience. “…a trailhead is an experience or a difficulty in your life that will lead to interesting parts if you follow it.” My trailhead was the experience of starting to write. When I hit that trailhead I found myself unable to follow the trail.
Following Earley’s scheme, I looked for and identified the parts that appeared when I approached the trailhead. I found parts that wanted to write different things and couldn’t agree on what to write. I found an introverted part that was so uncomfortable about making anything public—that it went into grief whenever I contacted it. I found parts that were upset by the conflicts among other parts. I found were parts that tried to protect these vulnerable parts by shutting down the writing process or distracting me. If found parts that were upset by that. Writing, it turned out, was not a simple, personal process: rather it was a social or community process, balancing the interests, preferences, thoughts, and emotions of different parts.
Departing from the IFS format—which would have me get to know each of the parts and help it resolve its feelings—I led a discussion among the parts to see if we could agree on a more productive course of action.
The parts involved came to understand the dynamics the system they were part of. They saw that the system was not stable. Problems cascaded. A part would be upset. Other parts would try to suppress the upset. They would become upset if they were unsuccessful. The upset part resisted being shut down. Other parts would react to the growing conflict.
Sometimes parts realized that the conclusions that they reached individually, or the actions that they wanted to take were not rational. Yet, they’d find themselves stuck with those irrational thoughts or wanting to carry out those irrational directions anyway. Then they—or other parts—would get upset by the system’s irrational behavior, and that would amplify the existing problems.
My IFS work had taught me that all parts had good intentions; all parts were reasonable once they calmed down. My internal family was basically sound—but it was unstable.
Discussion led to creative problem-solving and a consensus viewpoint and plan. Individual members might have problems but there were always members that didn’t—and then there was me—or “self” as IFS would term it.
“We” established a community norm. If a part felt it was weak or vulnerable parts or out of control, it would ask for help. Stronger parts (and I) would always help. Instead of looking for parts that were in agreement, parts with upsets would look for viewpoints that were stable and hopeful.
So that was agreed on as a community norm.
Then a thought occurred to me (or a part suggested it. Who cares which?) Music was a stabilizing and energizing force for me. My favorite such song has been “Tumbthumping” by the group Chumbawamba.
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
That’s my song!
The group assembled agreed that this should be our anthem. And more.
In Major League Baseball players have “walk up songs,” played as they step to bat or for relief pitchers as they leave the warm-up area. Tubthumping would be our walk up song. When I’m ready to go to bat—sitting down to write or to program or facing some other difficult situation, I’ll play a little Tubthumping on a convenient device, or in my mind:
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
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